I often have people coming to me for some kind of emotional support, mainly because people assume that because I’m a ‘nice guy’ I’ll be able to give a ton of advice very easily. Trouble is, people thinking I’m nice actually makes me feel very uncomfortable, as I don’t like to be considered as a nice guy; they get nowhere in life. I’ve had too many people take advantage of me, which sickens me, and that’s why I like to come over as a bit of a cold-hearted bastard. Everyone goes through stages in life where you start to feel that there is no way forward, when you’ve reached a point when your life is fucked and there’s nothing you can do about it. This has happened to me at more points in the past twenty-four months than I care to remember, but I’m always one to put on a happy face and look forward; if there’s one thing I hate it’s dwelling on the past, especially on events that I’d rather not remember. However I think it’s good to occasionally look back and reflect.

I’m pretty spontaneous, meaning that I often cannot plan things before doing them, I just go ahead and do it when I feel like doing so. I also find it very hard to motivate myself, even in things that I have an interest in. I also see no point in doing things that won’t give me a reward at the end, which makes some things in life pretty hard for me to get to grips with. People have also told me that I’m too lazy to use my brain at times, which I’ll admit to, as if I don’t see the point in doing something, I won’t give it 1% of my time or effort. Trouble with me is that anything that goes wrong in my life tends to have repercussions elsewhere, a sort of ‘knock on’ effect, if you like. Sitting next to someone who means everything to you for nearly a year with the knowledge you mean nothing to them hurts, and took a lot out of my already hard to come by motivation. Funnily enough, for a while she was the only reason I got up in the morning, lol. 

I have more online friends than real-life friends, mainly due to the fact that I can censor myself to some extent on the Internet, which is something I find hard to do in real life. I hate it when people see a side or aspect of me that I don’t want them to see or I don’t like, and the beauty of the Internet is that I can choose what parts of me people see. Sounds selfish and devious, right? Well that’s what I’m like so deal with it. 

The conclusion I want to come to here is that nobody is perfect, and nobody should expect perfection out of anybody. There will be times when you mess up, when you feel so pissed of at yourself that you feel like jumping off a bridge, but before you look at the bad, look at all the good in your life. I know no matter what I do, or how many mistakes I make, there will always be a few people out there who love me for who I am, and that makes me smile. You should think the same. As for me, well I’ll keep truckin’ through life, dodging obstacles, but sometimes hitting them, not really knowing for sure where I’m going. But if there’s something I know for sure it’s that there must be something at the end of the tunnel. 

“In order to see the rainbow, sometimes you have to get through the rain..”