I recently read a similar post to this by a friend, and felt inspired to let off a bit of steam, so to speak. I’m happy to admit that I am an unabashed optimist; no matter how bad something or a situation is, I always see the good that often is not at the end of the tunnel. The trouble with this view is that it only tends to keep oneself happy through the next 24 hours, and in some ways you could call this denial. I can always see at least one good point about a situation and use this to my advantage. That’s the main problem with this mindset I have; I constantly have to find new ways to boost my optimism and motivation, which includes twisting the truth. Many of my friends will disagree with this but I am in fact a very good liar, lol; when things go badly I tend to keep myself sane to some extent by convincing myself and others that things are nowhere near as bad as they really are. To most people, this is an unhealthy mindset, however it actually works for me. Covering up the real truth is something I’m very good at, and however unattractive this trait may be, I’m good at it and I count it as a talent (insert quip about me being an asshole here, I don’t care what you think). 

I wish I could have started out on the Internet with an entirely concealed identity, that way I could say so much more about myself without giving away information that I don’t wish to be disclosed, which is why the next part will be suitably ambiguous. I believe that to fully assess a human being (as inhumane as that is) one needs to take into account and combine every aspect of that person, whether good or bad, and provide a balanced and fair-minded judgement. Judging me on the basis that you have spoken to me only three times in the space of the three weeks I’ve been working with you and the fact you don’t know me at all is, quite frankly, fucking insulting. I’m one of those people who you need to get to know in order to find out what I’m really like, so I know instantly when people judge me having not known me. 

There are only a select few people in my life who I could call a true friend, and there are a lot of people who like to entertain the fact that they are my friend when in fact they don’t know the first thing about me. I’m a cold-hearted bastard, you may think, but I’m actually much more forgiving and (dare I say it) loving than I make out to be; being taken advantage of and lied to and persecuted by a group of people I now call my friends takes a big piece of forgiveness, huh? I thought so.

In short, this post is not designed as a cold-hearted, ambiguous attack on those individuals who are the reason I’m writing this, take from it what you want, and if you think you know to whom or what I am referring directly then it’s likely you are wrong. The vast majority of people who know me via the Internet think I have a pretty perfect life from the seemingly constant happiness I ‘radiate’, this post is to tell you that it isn’t all like that, and not to judge me by my cover; too many people have done this as of late, and it hurts. I’m sorry you had to read this, and I’m sorry I can’t be my usual happy self. Wish me luck. 

Sidebar: The weather has been pretty cold recently; typing this was a minefield of spelling errors, lol.